going back to the beginning

I have recently shared this blog with a few friends who are new to this story as a whole, and decided it was time to introduce the story, not just the blog.  Here is the introduction of the book I spent the last year writing called Rescued.  I am currently in the process of editing this book, which I plan to publish in God's timing.  This book is a product of not being able to blog because anything public I would have said before my husband's sentencing could have been used against him.

I will do my best to start at the beginning.  This was written during the summer of 2012.

I have to start at the beginning of this story, although the beginning entails details and incidents I will never discuss, it is important to establish the place of depth from which this book will be written. I really wish this could be chronologically written as this is how my brain functions and processes information. It has been incredible to walk day by day through this journey, but that simply won’t be the case as so much has gone on in the last seven months and there is no way to recount it all in that specific order- so right now I let that desire and expectation go. But I will do my best to start at the beginning here for this first entry. 

But before I can start the beginning of this specific story, I must go back to an earlier beginning by telling you a few things about my incredible husband to whom I have been married for almost two years. My husband is truly the sweetest, kindest, most gentlest man in the world. He loves babies and puppies and kitty cats. He watches House Hunters with me as we dream about our future home; his favorite movies are Despicable Me and Rio. (He literally goes back and watches the dance scene in Rio over and over again.) We love to play cards and go for bike rides and walks. When I am sad and overly emotional, which happens more than I would admit, he picks me up and holds me and rubs my back and calms me down. He does the dishes and loves to vacuum simply so I won’t have to.  He tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world, thoroughly enjoys spending time with his grandparents, and would love nothing more than to sit out in the fishing boat with his beautiful wife (that would be me) and enjoy God’s incredible creation while brainstorming baby names for our children, whom we would both agree cannot enter our lives soon enough. He loves to worship and always has a song stirring in his spirit and often spilling out of his mouth. My husband is an amazing man of God who loves Jesus with all of his heart and wants nothing but the best for me and our children and family. While editing I realize the kitty cat thing may have painted an inaccurate picture of my man.  While I have been intentionally conveying his sensitive, kind, and gentle side, he is ALL man. He is the most athletic thing I have ever seen and excels in every sport-even badminton.  He lives to hunt and fish so he can put food on the table, and he could watch Gladiator and Braveheart again and again and again. He eats three times as much as I do. He farts and grunts and can stink up a bathroom for a good hour, and he is one of the strongest guys I have ever met.  To summarize, I am head over heels crazy about my husband and my commitment to him has not changed, even though almost everything else in our lives has in the recent months. 

In November of 2011, during the week of Thanksgiving, my incredible husband made an incredibly foolish mistake and got himself into trouble with the law at his work, lost his job, spent 5 days in jail, is currently on probation and waiting for his sentencing. That is all I can say and all that I need to say about the past. The purpose of this book is not to look back at what happened, but to “recount the deeds of the Lord” as I share some of the ways the Holy Spirit has met and carried me every day since, as well as to share my current journey as our situation continues to progress. The purpose of this book is to share how and why I am CHOOSING LIFE while walking through a valley and trial that I never expected and would have never thought I could survive. While my husband is the main character of this story, much of these writings will simply be my thoughts and feelings and revelations and journey. While we are certainly journeying together, we also have our own individual processes and this will be much of mine. 

We are choosing to call this season that we are in The Rescuing because we believe God, in His mercy, reached down into a deep deep pit and pulled US (both my husband and myself) out of the bondage, darkness, pain, brokenness, and death that was unique to each of us.  It was through reading Psalm 18 that this revelation ignited a light bulb within my spirit, revealing that God did indeed rescue us through the exposure.  Psalm 18:16-19 says, “He reached down from heaven and rescued me; He drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me.  They attacked me in a moment when I was in distress but the Lord supported me.  He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me.”  

 I want to be very clear that while my hubby’s sin was publicly exposed and he might appear to be the one in desperate need of a rescuing, I have been rescued just as much from the yucky darkness inside of myself and am equally thankful for the rescuing that took place in my own personal life. I have been and am being rescued from negative thinking habits, a spirit of control, separation anxiety, fear, isolation, and despair. We believe the public exposure of his struggle is a gift because it is forcing us to seek healing and wholeness and freedom in a way we would not have without such an extreme situation and such public accountability.  We believe this gift of exposure is directly linked to His amazing love for us and the incredible plans He has for our lives. We are thankful. And we will continue to wake up each and every day and choose life. 

The best way I can articulate my understanding of and desire to choose life is through a note I wrote to a somewhat stranger I had encountered a few months back who was fighting her own battle. I like this note because it is short and sweet, which you will quickly learn is not one of my strengths. I will address this same note to each of you today: 

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your pain or struggle, 

I am praying for you and your family on this day. 

When we enter a crisis, I am learning that we are forced to make an important choice- life or death. Will I lay down and die because of the pain and loss and brokenness, allowing bitterness and darkness to engulf me?

or,

Will I push in, trust Jesus, and choose to continue to desperately seek and pursue LIFE in all that still remains. 

From our few interactions I can SEE in your spirit and in your eyes that you and your family have chosen LIFE. 

And I am blessed. 

And I believe God is always going to be enough. 

With love, 

Justie 

Deuteronomy 30:19 “…I have set before you life and death, blessings, and curses. NOW CHOOSE LIFE!”