Fortunately, I married an easy going guy. It was a five second conversation yesterday which clarified that this was not going to get him down. He requested I have family over, watch a game, and hang out together so that I wouldn't be spending the day alone and so he could feel the love in spirit as we gather to celebrate. So we did. We had tons of snacks, which were amazing. The game was... lets be honest, I have no idea. We got a phone call from Christer so we got to sing happy birthday and all say hi. It was incredible to be together, and I promised my birthday guy we would celebrate when he was released.
Just another day.
However, what about a present? What could I give to my husband on his birthday that would bless him, that would still be meaningful in a month when I get to see him again, and that would not violate his current situation? I can't physically give him anything tangible. He can only receive a letter on plain white paper through the mail. Of course I have little goodies waiting for him to open at home. But I want to give him something meaningful as a sign of my love for him on his birthday.
What about a promise? A covenant? A word? Hmm...
Part of my morning routine is to pray for Christer when I am drying my hair. This has always been a part of my routine, but it is even more meaningful now that he is not in the shower or next room. I certainly do not limit my time to praying for him to this five minute activity, however it has become a great time for me to intentionally direct my prayers towards him as I can read while drying. I fully believe I have moved many mountains in my husbands life by praying specific prayers found in a book called, The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. She takes significant topics men encounter, writes a few pages on the topic, and then creates beautiful and powerful prayers wives can pray. She uses scriptures to inspire her words, along with a verses at the end. Powerful powerful stuff. There are 30 chapters and therefore topics, so ideally a wife could pray one a day for a month and then start over again. Topics include his work, his sexuality, his relationships, his thoughts, etc. Each topic has been extremely relevant in the life of my husband, and her prayers seem to hit the nail on the head with some of the issues he wrestles with.
Of the 30, the first chapter seems to present itself as the pinnacle, most effective and important topic. The chapter is longer, for starters. It sets a precedent for all of the rest. If a wife can truly pray this prayer for her husband, the rest will fall into place. Stormie says that MOST powerful thing you can pray for in regards to your husband is: HIS WIFE. Me. Stormie says her favorite three word prayer is (not change him, Lord) but rather: Change me, Lord.
This year, I believe this time apart and the challenges it brings will create much healthy change in me. Life. Health. Strength. Hope. Freedom. Fruit. And I truly believe this is the best gift I can give my husband. A healthier wife. A more loving wife. A more free wife.
So rather than whining and begging God to change my husband because his choices brought us to this place of separation, rather than spending all of my time praying for the specific ways I desire to see change in my husband, I have chosen to truly focus on the one element of this situation I have complete control over: me. To truly open myself to the Holy Spirit and ask him to change me. To change me from the inside out. To make me a better wife. To make me more selfless. To give me clean hands and a pure heart. To strengthen me. To equip me to be a good wife to my husband.
The simple prayer is change me, Lord. Bur just for kicks, here is the prayer written in this book that I have been praying all day long. As I type it out, I pray it again.
Lord, help me to be a good wife. I fully release that I don't have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic responses, rude assumptions, and self-protective stance, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation. Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace, and joy. (Galatians 5:22, 23) I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.
Show me where there is sin in my heart, especially with regard to my husband. I confess the times I've been unloving, critical, angry, resentful, disrespectful, and unforgiving toward him. Help me to put aside any hurt, anger, or disappointment feel and forgive him the way You do- totally and completely, no looking back. Make me a tool of reconciliation, peace, and healing in this marriage. Enable us to communicate well and rescue us form the threshold of separation where the realities of divorce begin.
Make me my husband's helpmate, companion, champion, friend, and support. Help me to create a peaceful, restful, safe place for him to come home to. Teach me how to take care of myself and stay attractive to him. Grow me into a creative and confident woman who is rich in mind, soul, and spirit. Make me the kind of woman he can be proud to say is his wife.
I lay all my expectations at Your cross. I release my husband from the burdens of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to you. Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only You, Lord, are perfect and I look to You to perfect us.
Teach me how to pray for my husband and make my prayers a true language of love. Where love has died, create new love between us. Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way he can clearly perceive. Bring unity between us so that we can in be agreement about everything (Amos 3:3). May the God of patience and comfort grant us to be like minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus (Romans 15:5). Make us a team, not pursuing spearate, competattive, or independent lives, but working together, overlooking each other's faults and weaknesses for the greater good of the marriage. Help us to pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. (Romans 14:19) May we be "perfectly joined" together in the same mind and in the same judgment (1 Corinthians 1:10).
I pray our commitment to You and to one another will grow stronger and more passionate every day. Enable him to be the head of the home as You made him to be, and show me how to support and respect him as he rises to that place of leadership. Help me to understand his dreams and see things from his perspective. Reveal to me what he wants and needs and show me potential problems before they arise. Breate Your life into this marriage.
Make me a new person Lord. Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with this make You've given me. Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance. Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me.
Change me, Lord.
Mark 11:24-25 - Ephesians 4:32 - Matthew 7:7-8 - Proverbs 24:3-4 - Galatians 6:9
I remember the first time praying this prayer, it I felt like my world flipped around a little bit. Through this experience, these prayers, and the work God has done in me, it has been made clear that the purpose of marriage is less about having my needs met and much more about becoming more like Jesus Christ. Marriage is a incredible picture of God's love, on display for the world to see. Marriage creates incredible opportunity to show this love. While I still catch myself looking to my marriage for satisfaction, I am excited to understand that the purpose of marriage is so much deeper.
I want to be the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14)
I want God to point to us in all future ages as example of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:7)
I am excited to give my husband potentially the best birthday gift ever.
What about your story?
How does the idea of praying, "change me, Lord" resonate with your spirit? In the context of a marriage? In your personal life? Whether you are dating or engaged or married or single or divorced or hope to be married or happily single... let this truth resonate. God can change us, and the effects of those changes go way beyond the marriage relationship; they will ripple out and effect everyone with whom we interact.
I'm so thankful you gave me that book. I know it will become even more meaningful in my life as I move into marriage. And, I love your idea about devoting the time drying your hair to praying for him!
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